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<title>break me gently (because i can't take it no more) by sunshine_kitcat (moonkevin)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24967090">break me gently (because i can't take it no more)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonkevin/pseuds/sunshine_kitcat'>sunshine_kitcat (moonkevin)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Boyz (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Demon Hunters, Demons, Emotional Hurt, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, M/M, Minor Character Death, chanhee best boy he doesnt deserve this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:08:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,842</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24967090</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonkevin/pseuds/sunshine_kitcat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Is Cobbie still crying in the bathroom?” Chanhee asks Sangyeon when he returns to their waiting area from the bathroom. Sangyeon gives him a tight-lipped nod, the bags under his eyes dark and protruding. Chanhee grimaces.</p><p>“Wanna go home? I’ll take the next shift if you can get Minnie here,” Chanhee tries, patting his hand on Sangyeon’s shoulder. Sangyeon gives him a grateful smile.</p><p>“Thanks. See if you can get Cobbie to sleep for a little. The surgery’s not finishing for a while,” Sangyeon mumbles, picking up his bag from the floor and slinging it over his shoulder. Chanhee gives him a grin.</p><p>“We both know that’s impossible. You get some rest. I’ll text you any new developments,” Chanhee replies softly, handing Sangyeon his coat and waving his friend goodbye. He turns around to look at the bathroom door, biting his bottom lip as he debates joining Jaehyun in trying to keep Jacob from self-destructing in his emotions. One of the hospital’s lights flicker for a second, right over the bathroom door as Chanhee sighs.</p><p>“Do you think Kev’s gonna be okay?” a voice asks Chanhee.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin, but they're not the focus of the fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>break me gently (because i can't take it no more)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i blame whoever suggested nocturnal as the theme for today's npc speedwrite</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chanhee hates hospitals.</p><p>It’s not a traumatic thing or some grudge against the government because healthcare is very important and everyone should have access to it, but Chanhee still just hates hospitals. Something about the bright, fluorescent lights and the clean, barren walls just twists Chanhee’s guts the wrong way. The waiting room is suffocating and just depressing, filled with people milling around aimlessly as they try not to break down in public. It’s really absolutely depressing, Chanhee thinks, how people can’t even break when they need to in public.</p><p>“Is Cobbie still crying in the bathroom?” Chanhee asks Sangyeon when he returns to their waiting area from the bathroom. Sangyeon gives him a tight-lipped nod, the bags under his eyes dark and protruding. Chanhee grimaces.</p><p>“Wanna go home? I’ll take the next shift if you can get Minnie here,” Chanhee tries, patting his hand on Sangyeon’s shoulder. Sangyeon gives him a grateful smile.</p><p>“Thanks. See if you can get Cobbie to sleep for a little. The surgery’s not finishing for a while,” Sangyeon mumbles, picking up his bag from the floor and slinging it over his shoulder. Chanhee gives him a grin.</p><p>“We both know that’s impossible. You get some rest. I’ll text you any new developments,” Chanhee replies softly, handing Sangyeon his coat and waving his friend goodbye. He turns around to look at the bathroom door, biting his bottom lip as he debates joining Jaehyun in trying to keep Jacob from self-destructing in his emotions. One of the hospital’s lights flicker for a second, right over the bathroom door as Chanhee sighs.</p><p>“Do you think Kev’s gonna be okay?” a voice asks Chanhee. Chanhee turns around to face Eric, half-asleep and curled up in a ball on his seat. Chanhee gives him a shrug.</p><p>“No idea,” Chanhee replies. Eric wouldn’t benefit from false hope, he tells himself. Those ideas always end up crushing people more than helping them in the long run. Eric gives him a half-hearted nod and blinks, tear ducts long dried. Chanhee takes his seat, fishing out his phone from his bag as he tries to distract himself. The revolting smell of bleach and cleaning detergent in the room from cleaning Jacob’s earlier mess lingers in the air almost putridly, twisting Chanhee’s guts inside out. Chanhee grimaces, trying to ignore it as he opens up his messenger app. Out of reflex, he clicks on Changmin’s number and stares at their last few messages. The little bubble was read only a few hours before, the little read check mark staring at Chanhee like a trigger, and before he can stop it, the memories replayed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Chanhee! Call Sangyeon now! Hoonie’s unstable and I don’t think Sunwoo can hold him down—” Changmin’s voice cuts off, voice replaced by loud crashing sounds. Chanhee’s hand shakes as he grips his phone tightly, eyes widening as he screams Changmin’s name back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I can’t talk! Sunwoo’s hurt and Kevin’s fighting him! Just call Sangyeon, quick!” Changmin yells before hanging up. Chanhee collapses for a moment, halfway through the door as his hands shake. He barely taps on Sangyeon’s number as he holds it up to his ear and— </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Chanhee?” Sangyeon’s voice fills the receiving end. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Get to Younghoon’s apartment, please! I… I think—” Chanhee cuts off, a sob echoing back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Calm down, Chanhee, I’m on my way. What happened?” Sangyeon asks back, worry ill-concealed as Chanhee hears a flurry of movement on his end. Tears slip past his eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I think he’s losing himself to the demons.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Chanhee?” a voice pulls Chanhee out of his daze. He looks up from his phone, spotting a familiar mop of tussled orange hair. Chanhee sniffs.</p><p>“Did you guys manage to save him?” Chanhee asks, voice small. Changmin grimaces, shaking his head as he drops down next to Chanhee, carefully stepping over Eric’s shoes on the floor. Soft snores fill the room as Changmin sits, sighing as his entire body shudders. Chanhee’s eyes flicker to his hunter tattoo, the normally red gash now a sad shade of black as a large gash coats the edge of it. Chanhee winces, but doesn’t move to comment on it.</p><p>“That clan found him. An eye for an eye, they said, before they possessed him and threw him off a cliff. Sunwoo barely managed to end Younghoon's life with his bolts before they could make him feel even more pain,” Changmin mutters, rubbing his eyes. Chanhee gives him a soft pat in reassurance, trying not to cry at the sight of his best friend so broken and tired. Changmin, who is the strongest person Chanhee knows next to Younghoon, and yet they both lost so easily.</p><p>“How’s Kevin?” Changmin asks, voice small. Chanhee winces at the mention of Kevin’s name, willing his tears back in.</p><p>“Still in the surgery. They said it’s gonna take a while,” Chanhee responds softly, watching as Changmin’s shoulder sags.</p><p>“Is he gonna make it?” Changmin asks. Chanhee sighs, glancing down at Eric’s sleeping form to check if he’s eavesdropping. He hates giving him false hope, but even Eric doesn’t need to hear this.</p><p>“I don’t know. The doctor said it’d be a miracle if he does,” Chanhee replies. Changmin’s mark heats up ever so slightly, a purple mist hissing into the air as he drops his head over the chair’s back. Chanhee wants to cry. Last year, the demons already took one of their crew members, poor innocent Juyeon who sacrificed himself to destroy one of the cursed clan’s base, exploding it into bits. They killed almost an entire upper ring of demons, sure to delay the invasion by a few years. The demons swore to enact revenge, which is why the world’s top demon hunter crew TBZ had to go into hiding. Somehow, they still found them, hijacking Younghoon and doing those unspeakable horrors on him and *god* Chanhee just wants to break so hard.</p><p>But he can’t.</p><p>He can’t because nearly everyone else has already. Jacob’s at wits end seeing his boyfriend mangled and broken and on the verge of death, ready to murder every last demon on Earth. Jaehyun’s equally angry, probably already planning on going rogue soon and Chanhee knows the morning after will be hell to deal with. Sunwoo, Hyunjoon, Changmin and Haknyeon have spent the last two hours chasing Younghoon to god-knows-where to end his misery, beaten and tired. Eric’s already cried for nearly three hours straight, making a scene in the hospital waiting room as Chnahee tries to coax him into silence. Sangyeon’s visibly dead, the exhaustion growing even more palpable as the hour gets later (or earlier?). They’re all barely awake at this point, so broken and tired  and Chanhee knows he has to hold it together for just a little longer. He can’t make another scene.</p><p>God, Chanhee hates hospitals.</p><p>Suddenly, a nurse shows up in his view, a soft, unreadable expression in her eyes as she gives him a soft smile. She’s eyeing him carefully, spotting the mark on his neck and biting her bottom lip. The general public is indebted to demon hunters of course, for ridding their world with the creature born of evil, but they’re inevitably terrified as well. Most crews don’t even rely on hospitals for this reason, but they have no choice.</p><p>Younghoon was their medic, after all.</p><p>“I have good news and bad news for you, sir.”</p><p> </p><p>Jacob somehow breaks again, the moment they get to see Kevin again. He’s bandaged from head to toe, body mangle and twisted in ways that can’t possibly be natural. Chanhee’s the only one awake at this point, Jaehyun taking Eric home and Changmin reluctantly passing out mere moments later. He’s holding Jacob’s hand in comfort, trying to keep up a smile and hide the taught string that is his mind behind the smile. Kevin’s awake, somehow, although that’s his gift. No sedation can work on him, while he can somehow put everyone else in a coma at a simple touch. Chanhee wonders if it’s truly a gift, with how tired Kevin always looks. A nocturnal soul, that one. Always awake through everything. He can’t even pass out from intense pain. Chanhee chokes. Kevin turns his head at the sound, a lost look in his eyes as Chanhee spots his mark, glowing and in full effect. He’s trying to make himself to sleep, Chanhee realizes, seeing the way his hand is glued to his bare wrist.</p><p>“Kevin?” Chanhee asks, the first to break his silence. Kevin blinks, eyes lost and unfocused without a hint of recognition.</p><p>“Is that my name?” Kevin asks, cocking his head to the side as much as the cast would allow and Chanhee can feel the string snapping. The nurse told him about the amnesia, Chanhee chides himself, but he can’t help but just break.  Before he can, Chanhee turns to Jacob, who’s just barely out of the door frame. Chanhee grabs his wrist and drags him inside, ebbing his magic into Jacob to stop the tears on Jacob’s eyes to spill again. He hates using his gift, manipulating emotions always too much for him, but this is an exception.</p><p>“There’s someone here to see you,” Chanhee says, pushing Jacob into the room as he steps away. Out of the corner of his eyes, Chanhee can see Kevin’s confused expression and can practically feel his resolve breaking. He quickly runs out of the hospital, spilling on the streets as the first tear slips. He can’t let anyone see him breaking, Chanhee tells himself. The others are already so frayed. They can’t afford losing their emotional pillar.</p><p>Chanhee finally stops when he reaches the nearest abandoned park, dropping onto the ground and sobbing as he feels his entire body shudder. Kevin doesn’t remember any of them, amnesia probably permanent as the doctor said. All the memories, all the friendships and ast they shared, gone in a single night. Chanhee continues sobbing as he tries to crawl to a nearby tree and hide, but he can’t. He just <em> * </em> can’t <em> * </em>because everything *hurts* and Chanhee wants to scream to the nearest person but he knows he can’t and—</p><p>“Breathe, Chanhee,” Jaehyun’s voice breaks him out of his daze, a comforting hand on his shoulder. Chanhee looks up through tear streaked eyes and the realization dawns to him. He tries to run away, but his body is so wrecked and tired he can barely move.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Chanhee whispers. Jaehyun shakes his head. Chanhee wonders how he found him. Wonders if Jacob told him or if Jaehyun just saw him on his way back to the hospital. A million thoughts swarm his head like raindrops in a forest and Chanhee can feel himself falling down an abyss of emotions. They’re falling apart so quickly, Chanhee realizes numbly. So quickly does their team slip up and break, like a shattered vase hitting the ground again and again.</p><p>“It’s not your fault, Hee,” Jaehyun mumbles. Chanhee shakes his head, unable to form words.</p><p>“Come on, let’s get you home.”</p><p> </p><p>Home.</p><p> </p><p>How long will that last?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Come yell at me on twitter if you want: @heonynchans</p></blockquote></div></div>
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